i woke up with a nice dream. a dream that seemed so realistic. but no, its not ture. sigh. i dreamt tht we patched up and.. yeah. a dream that seems too far to even reach out to. it was only 13 days away. i guess the surprise's gone. byebye to it then.

wnt to mac for breakfast. saw a muscular man with tight fitting shirt and jean shorts*IMAGINETHAT!* and he was tatooed all over. scary scary. den went to ntuc.. saw mdm sen. had a quicky wicky chat with her. came home den my parents forced me to study. i stayed in my rm. but i was reading story bk and my assessments i all copy ans from the back. i really gt no mood to study. den i sneaked out to take the lighter. burned 2 letters. one was supposed to be meant for mschew. but i didnt give it to her, i was afraid i'd be sent to the consellor. the second letter is confidential. burnt it in the sink xD i used to do tht wen i was young with my bro. we hid in the toilet to burn things. lol. zzzzzzzzzz. siiiigh dunno why im moodymoody today.




i cut myself again.

*updated*
exams are a piece of shiat.
i wrote the internet for the one word essay. changed it into a story. my frens all say i crazy cuz they all write internet as an arguement. sigh. den the silly chinese paper. i was just looking at the paper, and the paper staring at me. lols. i had ???????????? all in my head. zzzzzz. i couldnt understand a crap xPP.

after school wnt to study with meryl and kristle again. at sengkang's library cafe. well i pleaded them to go to the place that i wanted, as eileen had forbidden me to go there again. well, unless we're back together of cuz. they agreed, but that wld be my last and final time walking down the memory lane. as i was walking... well i could control my tears although it was the my last time there. it was so painful - yet, i had to walk alone. they settled in the shelter as it was raining but i walked around. i couldnt bear to leave this place - it felt like my second home. i walked around the void deck, with the happy memories flashing back. it was a kind of torture. i dare not go up, i didnt know why. i was too afraid i guess.

when i reached the bus stop, i turned around... and left with a tear in the eye.

im feeling so bloody fcuked up now.
anyways stayed back in sch with kris meryl and geok leng to study. well i gave up halfway. i cant think straight; im an emo person and its going to affect my studies badly. i had to rely on meryl all the time i have no one else to turn to. ppl would usually leak the secret out. wynne was soo happy when she found out o.o seems like kristle faces the same problem as me. she stopped studying halfway and den she cried. meryl accompanied her to the toilet and me and gl read her foolscap. she had the same problems as i do! really really. seems like its hard to forget ur first love isnt it? screw this life, NOBODY cares. i feel tht im changing, i feel like im a souless person.

its been 2 days, yet im still struggling.
and he's watching with glee.

*UPDATED
i was kinda moody when i woke up. den when i was going to school the rabio played all the songs tht i was feeling this morning and the songs really expressed me well! i cheered up until the dj sang the day's weather. he transfered all the details into a song! which i think was really well done and he's singing wasnt tht atrocious. he sang 'umbreloo' and the other dj was cutting in saying ' its umbrella la!' den he ask him to shut up and continued singing. lols. well my mood went down after i went to study with eileen. jia xiang's jokes were soo funny hahas. den i went home with my parents. good thing they didnt come all the way to mac's or they'll tell me off for studying with guys.

2am and the rain is falling
Here we are at the crossroads once again
You're telling me you're so confused
You can't make up your mind
Is this meant to be
You're asking me

But only love can say
Try again or walk away
But i believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So i just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But i can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do

In your arms as the dawn is breaking
Face to face and a thousand miles apart
I've tried my best to make you see
There's hope beyond the pain
If we give enough
If we learn to trust

I know if I could find the words
To touch you deep inside
You'll give my dreams just one more chance
To let this be our last goodbye

That's something only love can do..........

i miss u boy.. i love you.

well the truth has come to light hasnt it?
i walked back to school with a heavy heart. never felt so sad before, good thing meryl was there for me. she was the first person i ever told all my problems to and we just walked around the whole school.... she too, was shocked at wat i told her and... sigh.

every morning when i wake up, the nightmares come back to me. wat good can it do? im at a loss for words i have no idea what am i gonna do. after hearing meryl telling me about the shanna thing.. i hope i wouldnt fail my exams. if im not wrong.. today is also last yr's break up with some other guy whom i HATE ALOT. i promised meryl something... but its hard to keep her promise.. i will try....

reminiscing
reminiscing
reminiscing
..................
< / 3.

i looked at the time, 9.35.
went to church for bible class. *thnks to glynis* den reached home at about 10.45. play com until.... 4 plus? den my bro play. i played at 6 plus AGAIN. by the time i looked at the clock.. it was 9!!!!! 9PM!!!!!!! i got shocked! i havent even studied my dnt neither have i ironed the clothes! OH THE TERROR. its 10.40 now and i still havent done those 2 things!! btr go now... TATA.

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
i dont know why im saying this.
probably just to cheer myself up?
taahaas.
boo.
i'm feeling horrid )':

we're drifting.
and he doesnt seem to put in any effort to contact me.
i used to say i wont give up,
but im losing my breath soon.

< ///// 3
maybe it wld be better if we ended this.

the cane marks turned into blueblack ):
i was having my muscle ache at the same place too!
double ouchies =X

YAYAYYAYAY ANGCY THE SUCKER DIDNT COME TODAY SO DID MRS TAY!
2HRS OF FREE PERIOD!
BEST DAY EVER IN SCHOOL (:

he hung her phone,
the tears flowed freely,
as if there wasno end.
it tasted sweet,
but why her life was so bitter?
she looked at the scissors on the table.
fear ran through her mind.
she took it,
trambling.
carefully placing the blades over her wrists.
she began to slit her wrist,
slowly, carefully.
she did it again and again,
gradually getting faster everytime.
it was numb -
a deep cut printed on her wrist.
i lost my soul that day.

his words pierced her heart.
"even if you jump down from a building, i DONT CARE!"
is that wat a family member shld say for encouragement?
she got depressed -
her phone was gone.
no one to rely on,
no one to tell her troubles to.
he burst into her room,
demanding a reason for her messages.
she shrugged and pretended he was invisible.
he yelled.
and yelled.
he walked out of the room,
and and disappointed.
the tears came again.
he came in to yell more,
he didnt care.
a lady then stepped in.
a lady who was responsible for her life.
someone called mom.
she gave counselling.
but the girl had already thought for wat the lady had said.
she's already clearing part of the feelings.
for once when he steps out of this school,
its over, its GONE.
she wantsto show him,
she's not a weakling.
she looked at the scissors again.
maybe she's better off dead.
friends would rejoice,
no more worrying for him.
her 'friends' would already feel
happy upon reading this post.
i lost my smile that day.


really stupid day today. after sch went to water rise with meryl, kristle and glynis. weeeeell. it wasnt so bad. but abit sad lars. hais.

MY NOT-SO-FABULOUS DAY.
i reached kovan at 11.15! so he couldnt say i was late. he reached at 12 - and missed the train. and he refused to catch the nxt train. anger - until disappointment. i held my tears back, i didnt want this matter to ruin my whole day, but it did. me and eileen reached bugis at 12.30. meryl was stiiiilllll at home (: oh wells. went into guardian and eileen bought her facial stuffs. den were supposed to meet meryl and kristle at the national library. got lost. taaahaha. den eileen called meryl and asked for directions. when we walked out of parco, this crazy man whistled at me den walked past me. he kept turning at me and keep giving me a stupid grin! sicko ass. i freaked out totally. reached there and waited for them. den we went up to the 7th floor. tht person say it was for reference only, not for study. study lvl 5. den we went to the 5th lvl. WHOA. so many ppl there -_-! den we decided to go to the cafe to eat. starving you know! i had pasta*YUMYUM* with ham. not that bad actually but by the time i finished eating, i had the sauce all over my whole mouth. teeyong came and my mood changed so suddenly. no idea. i was quiet throughout the day. they studied for awhile den went shopping. i finally bought my bag!at bugis street. cant rmb tt brand. hahas. den we went into parco. meryl and kris and ty went to delifrance to study. me and eileen went shopping for her clothes. den we sat 80 and went home. den i only started talking. they were like trying to cheer me up the whole day. heeeeheee xP thanks!

sry for the shortie post ytd. my bro shoo-ed me off the com xP. anyways today's good friday. pretty bored actually. and im really really cold. my feet is actually freeeeeezing! oh wells, going out to buy the ink ele bag! cant wait xD the new sitting arrangement is like........ weeeell.............. no comments =X is too front and my neck was aching terribly at the end of the day.
oh yar...










ang cy sucks (:


she ADORES.

had 3 tests ytd! @#%#&$^*^(&^(%&Y @$%@#. surprise surprise. surprise test for chinese. did only 3 questions of 18 and got 2 wrong -.- left the rest blank. hees.

HAD history election speech today. i was pretty nervy. heh. oh wells, i pointed out all the good points ^^ mr maran said GOOD. wheeeeee. after sch glynis wnt to look for her guides tcr outside the guides rm. mr soh walked past and gave me an OMGWTF 'wat is glynis doing???' i gave him back an OMGWTF 'NONE OF UR BLOODY BUSINESS' LOL! gosh, i AM so lame >.< hse ="X" much ="B">

wnt for music lesson today =X did impro and can say i was the worst =XX how embarrassing. wnt to lan after tht. got police outside O.O i went in anyway since its sunday and i didn't do anything wrong ^^ den my 2nd aunt called and ask me and my bro to church. palm sunday. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzs boooooring. =XXXXXXXX den wnt to have dinner. the food was quite nice but the timing was horrid. an hour passed and i still havent got my food yet. my aunt flared up. how embarrassing xP just came home. damn tired zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz my boy came to my house ytd just to deliver handmade cookies xD how swt. but matthew was complaining which kinda spoiled the mood. my bro liked the cookies! heh. <33s ^^*i was shocked!*

cross country today. woke up at like 5.45? lols. den reached kovan at about 6.30. den hae to wait for camii cuz she late -_- shld have take my own swt time xP we reached there like.. ermm.. 7.20? lols. anyway i WALKED with glynis, camii and ms teo. den got mokeys. damn cute. suddenly we saw a REALLY REALLY disgusting sight. 2 monkeys were doing YOU-NOE-WHAT(***)!!!!!!!! we screamed and we ran lols. den half way ms teo say she's nt feeling well. den we pei her walk back. thats my good deed for the year xP den we have to walk again. @$^%#&#%@%#^#%& lols. anyways we were the last 3 and i bet many ppl think we suck =X lol. we did a good deed thats why we're the last 3. triple L's eyes were like O.O when she found out we were the last 3. hahas. den got prize presentation. i cant haoyee was the first 20! unbelievable. hahas. anyways after tt we took taxi to go hougang mall. saw my hon there xP soo cute. we were like talking about ABC. hahas. last few days quite shocked. when i found out that DEF was with ABC all along. *frens, if u ask me, i wont reveal to say who they are. private and confidential.* before he left, he messed up my hair. maybe he didnt notice she was there. she looked at me den she looked at him. probably if he noticed her, he might not even talk to me. anyways, to cut a long story short, they came to my house to do the pw proj. den i send all of them t the bus stop. yihan insisted on taking 70 O_O. den later marie suddenly say she left her wallet at the bus stop. den we ran over the overhead bridge again. i was really exhausted. sorry marie! didnt pei u. hahas. =XXX

had english speech today xDD
my legs were shaking and i hardly did eye contact.
bad stage fright =topic's about PENISES =XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
the history election wld be worse,
which is dooms day tmr.
i hate speaking into the mic
and i have no confidence!
zero gusto ^^
GAHH.
im sososo....
scared.
right now.
=XXXXX

looks cool huh?


i made this myself (:

im so lost i dont know wat to do;
its like im gone when you're out,
when your home then u only think of me.
excuses you give,
whether or not its lame.
my heart's been broken
time and again.
im really lost in this world of mine,
there's no one i can relate to.
nobody close to me, nobody cares.

i somehow think we're drifting apart.

PAINFULLY.

HAHAHAHAHA. THIS CAME FROM TJ'S BLOG AND IM PROUD OF IT! (((((((((((((((:

YOU RULE BITCH!


purr-lease.


besides than the chaos in class, PE was fun too. i got to chat wit bib and glynis ( those r my
favourite bitches in class) in the midst of runnin the 2.4 km trial. all except when i crashed and fall "fatally" at the finishin spot.
here's wat happened :
1) tze jie was runnin like a mad dog as he was finishin the last round of the 2.4km trial
2) out of his sheer joy, he tripped off the curb and fell in front of mr.HENRY chh, with hisstomach sufferin from the full impact
3) pain flooded through his body, later did he realise tat a DEEP cut was on his knee cap with blood gushin out "trememdously". IT HURT,,, LIKE sh**. his elbow was also a victim
4) ppl came and helped me out, but wat really touched me was bib and glynis showinthe most concern.